From a reader: Let's 86 this welcome newcomer to the morgue: "O.T.B.", as in "over the bars." No motherfucker, you didn't go "OTB". You crashed. Unless there's something particularly comical about the procedure, no one gives a fuck for your worthless abbreviation. You're not old school, or even cool, and neither is your lame attempt at sounding so. Thanks for the laughs. Kimbo Slice [ED note: names are seldom permitted, so sometimes we make them up] All true, my friend. All true. It also can mean “Off the back.” Great, we all came up with an acronym that has double meanings and takes just as long to say as the words. Maybe Rachael Ray came up with that one. You know, the chubby cooking “bitch with attitude,” no tits, and a raspy in your face voice. This is a rant here, but she has no tits (did I mention that), and she is not a fucking chef. How is she a star? “EVOO.” That’s it: her contribution. She says it constantly and I hate it. Why? It stands for Extra Virgin Olive Oil, and I love the product that is “EVOO.” But say it, “EVOO.” Then say, “Extra virgin olive oil.” I timed it, motherfucker, I timed it. I pulled up my shitty “Stopwatch” app on my iPhone and I timed it. 1.68 for fuckin “EVOO.” 1.51 for “Extra Virgin Olive Oil.” I win, bitch. It also brings up the seemingly convenient name “Ned Overend.” In this sport? A name that is basically “end over end?” Well, apparently he was born Edmund Overend, and he goes by “Ned.” OK I get that, it is not contrived, and that guy is fuckin rad and has had a career path and work ethic as enviable as anyone in the sport. A couple of years ago I would have made fun of his giant mole, but not now. Thank God he got that fucker removed. I swear, I thought that thing was turning into a mini black hole that was going to suck us all in like that nuclear accelerator in Switzerland (largely, some of it is in France). So to summarize, if Ned wasn’t so badass and hadn’t gotten that mole removed we’d all be dead. Now we have to give you more Olivia Munn __________________________________________________________________________________________________ Please ban the term 'dawn patrol'. Tired of seeing that phrase and its diminutive rep the 'dp'.
From a reader:
Let's 86 this welcome newcomer to the morgue: "O.T.B.", as in "over the bars."
No motherfucker, you didn't go "OTB". You crashed. Unless there's something particularly comical about the procedure, no one gives a fuck for your worthless abbreviation. You're not old school, or even cool, and neither is your lame attempt at sounding so.
Thanks for the laughs.
Kimbo Slice [ED note: names are seldom permitted, so sometimes we make them up]
All true, my friend. All true. It also can mean “Off the back.” Great, we all came up with an acronym that has double meanings and takes just as long to say as the words. Maybe Rachael Ray came up with that one. You know, the chubby cooking “bitch with attitude,” no tits, and a raspy in your face voice. This is a rant here, but she has no tits (did I mention that), and she is not a fucking chef. How is she a star? “EVOO.” That’s it: her contribution. She says it constantly and I hate it. Why? It stands for Extra Virgin Olive Oil, and I love the product that is “EVOO.” But say it, “EVOO.” Then say, “Extra virgin olive oil.” I timed it, motherfucker, I timed it. I pulled up my shitty “Stopwatch” app on my iPhone and I timed it. 1.68 for fuckin “EVOO.” 1.51 for “Extra Virgin Olive Oil.” I win, bitch.
It also brings up the seemingly convenient name “Ned Overend.” In this sport? A name that is basically “end over end?” Well, apparently he was born Edmund Overend, and he goes by “Ned.” OK I get that, it is not contrived, and that guy is fuckin rad and has had a career path and work ethic as enviable as anyone in the sport. A couple of years ago I would have made fun of his giant mole, but not now. Thank God he got that fucker removed. I swear, I thought that thing was turning into a mini black hole that was going to suck us all in like that nuclear accelerator in Switzerland (largely, some of it is in France).
So to summarize, if Ned wasn’t so badass and hadn’t gotten that mole removed we’d all be dead. Now we have to give you more Olivia Munn __________________________________________________________________________________________________
Please ban the term 'dawn patrol'. Tired of seeing that phrase and its diminutive rep the 'dp'.
So what if you got up early. You went for a bike ride, you did not do anything remotely patrol like, and to suggest that you did is like slapping a small blue magnetic siren on the top of your dumbass head. RIP, "whip." Alas, you were just a bike My mind is blown On the excellent Declinemagazine.com they have a post about Mount Washington with the title, “Mount Washington Resort's Roots, Rocky, Reggae Fest This Weekend.” I looked up Mount Washington at www.mountwashington.ca and…can…can…uhhhh, how do I put this? Is this a riddle? It’s a riddle, right? Or a clue to something I have yet to find out? Some sort of a red herring, maybe? It must be, because Mount Washington seems to be on Vancouver Island, which, by my calculation, is on the west coast. The western coast of the United States. “Roots and rocky.” How is this fucking possible? All my life I’ve been lead to believe that technical, rooty, rocky, and wet riding only existed on the east coast. Seriously, who discovered this anomaly of nature and why did we not hear about it sooner? Since the dawn of this great country (a country where eagles not only “caw” and soar, but also cry) explorers have been looking for wet, rooty, rocky, technical terrain anywhere west of the Mississippi to no avail. My history is a little rusty, but I’m pretty sure that’s what Lewis and Clark set out to discover, and even with the help of the great Shoshone Indian guide Sacagawea, they failed miserably and lived the rest of their lives in shame. Try as they might, they just could not find rooty, rocky, technical terrain in the west. It was clear skies and easy sailing all the way to the Pacific for those guys. Really strange, though…because these days all of the best ski resorts are in the west; All the ones with the most elevation that seem to get the best snow. There seems to be no lack of trees, which presumably have roots. And I’m pretty sure Colorado is 90% granite. Meaning: rocks. Colorado, for all you gweeds who don’t know, is west of Ole Miss. Accordingly, “rooty, rocky, technical, riding” is no longer exclusive to the eastern United States. ________________________________________________________________________________________ Exhibit #B: Primal Wear
My mind is blown
On the excellent Declinemagazine.com they have a post about Mount Washington with the title, “Mount Washington Resort's Roots, Rocky, Reggae Fest This Weekend.” I looked up Mount Washington at www.mountwashington.ca and…can…can…uhhhh, how do I put this? Is this a riddle? It’s a riddle, right? Or a clue to something I have yet to find out? Some sort of a red herring, maybe? It must be, because Mount Washington seems to be on Vancouver Island, which, by my calculation, is on the west coast. The western coast of the United States. “Roots and rocky.” How is this fucking possible?
All my life I’ve been lead to believe that technical, rooty, rocky, and wet riding only existed on the east coast. Seriously, who discovered this anomaly of nature and why did we not hear about it sooner? Since the dawn of this great country (a country where eagles not only “caw” and soar, but also cry) explorers have been looking for wet, rooty, rocky, technical terrain anywhere west of the Mississippi to no avail. My history is a little rusty, but I’m pretty sure that’s what Lewis and Clark set out to discover, and even with the help of the great Shoshone Indian guide Sacagawea, they failed miserably and lived the rest of their lives in shame. Try as they might, they just could not find rooty, rocky, technical terrain in the west. It was clear skies and easy sailing all the way to the Pacific for those guys.
Really strange, though…because these days all of the best ski resorts are in the west; All the ones with the most elevation that seem to get the best snow. There seems to be no lack of trees, which presumably have roots. And I’m pretty sure Colorado is 90% granite. Meaning: rocks. Colorado, for all you gweeds who don’t know, is west of Ole Miss.
Accordingly, “rooty, rocky, technical, riding” is no longer exclusive to the eastern United States.
This one is a long time coming. The editors of this site have a friend who, as part of his job at a clothing company, submitted ideas for new jerseys to the completely clueless Primal Wear. You may remember “The Longest Ride” – a jersey with a skeleton riding a bicycle. Yeah, that Primal Wear. Below are some of his submissions. If Primal Wear had a clue these would be available now. By the way, the image above is "Crankin' Stein." No shit.
Blasted Femur: A picture of Satan breaking his leg on a sweet patch of Moab slickrock!
Cow-a-bunga: A Holstein on a bike dropping in a wave of sweet Moab slickrock!
Patriotic Intestinal Virus: A star spangled viral infection!
Foggy Hat: A man riding through the fog against a backdrop of sweet Moab slickrock!
Weapons of Mass Instruction: A picture of a giant book with wheels, dropping in on some sweet Moab singletrack!
Miles of Smokeswell: A picture of some sweet Durango singletrack lined by giant marijuana plants!
Bombing Canadians: A picture of a bunch of Canadians hucking on some sweet Moab singletrack
while being strafed by an American jet!
Youth in Asia: A picture of some junior national champions riding rickshaws dropping in on some sweet Arai singletrack!
Sean Coonery: A dashing raccon in a tuxedo on a really classy bike dropping in on some sweet Moab singletrack!
Gnu Jersey: Either of two large African antelopes (Connochaetes gnou and C. taurinus)
with a head like that of an ox, short mane, long tail, and horns in both sexes
that curve downward and outward ripping up some sweet moab singletrack!
Black Sabbathical: An African American professor on vacation in Moab ripping some sweet Moab singlerack!
Richard Gear: King Richard on a clown bike ripping some sweet Moab singletrack while being chased by rabid, cardboard-tube wielding gerbils!
Frists Of Fury: An army of Speakers of the House ripping some sweet Moab singletrack!
More to come. Someday.
The image above is a rendering of a beautiful night owl. The term "night owl," however, should only be used in old-timey tales about how your grandfather used to be a real ladie's man. Other obsolete words: "Guru," "Epic," “Brah,” New to join the Moratorium! The word "clutch" We file all that here. Feel free to submit things (terms, groups, etc...) that just need to go away. And your reasons why.
New to join the Moratorium!
The word "clutch" We file all that here. Feel free to submit things (terms, groups, etc...) that just need to go away. And your reasons why.
Feel free to comment by sending an email to postonHBcutthecourse@gmail.com
